How Sad

There are so many sad things going on in this world. The earthquake in Peru, the bridge collapse in Minnesota, starvation in third world countries, the Iraq war just to name a few. But today - this one caught me by surprise and pulled at my heartstrings dramatically.

"Man kissed ailing wife, threw her off balcony, prosecutors say" http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/08/16/wife.killed.ap/index.html
Apparently his wife was dying of uterine cancer and other ailments and he couldn't keep up with the medical bills. The details were a little bit sketchy - they don't say what her prognosis was, if he had applied for medical assistance, etc. but how sad.

How sad for his wife who was pushed off a building to her death. I can't imagine what it would have felt like to know what he was doing and not be able to stop it - or worse yet, to not want to have stopped it. And how sad for him. To be in a situation where you feel like that is your last option. How sad.

I can't pretend to know their situation, but I must say that things like this just shouldn't happen. People should have a place to turn when nothing else has worked, when they have no other options. Scratch that - people should have a place to turn before it gets that bad - when they can see that the future is bleak.

This type of thing can be stopped - Medicaid could help, Social Security for the disabled, state aid, etc. That's not to mention a national health insurance program would have made this story non-existent.

God bless her, her husband and their families. I hope he can forgive himself and that she is in a better place.

Over Due

So, I admit that I am not really very good at returning my library books - o.k. I am really bad at returning my library books on time. It is actually a lifelong trait - I was really bad at it as a kid - I once ended up owing $60 for an overdue movie at the library - I think I could of bought it for as much as I ended up owing in fees...but that's a whole other story...

Anyway - I think I mentioned once before that I joined a book club through my Mom's group. I really like it- I have met a lot of great women and even read some decent books. But - our last meeting was kind of a flop - just me an one other woman and neither of us had finished the book. Then I forgot about the book. I went to order a book from the library and I noticed that I had an overdue book on the listing - the book club book...anyway - I just got to the library on Friday and I ended up owing about $4.75 in fines.

I asked if they send out overdue notices - they said yes, but couldn't tell me when. When pushed - she said - it must be over 19 days - my book was 19 days over due. So, me being me - I said - that is really frustrating. My book was 19 days overdue and they hadn't sent me a notice - but at 21 days they would have. Why 21 days - why not 10 days. I would really prefer not to owe $5.00 every time I have an overdue book - which let's be honest is a reality.

Anyway - the librarian came up with approx. 5 different options for how I could remember to return my library books...I was sitting there thinking - what the hell - I don't need someone to tell me to circle the due date on my calendar - if it hasn't worked at this point - I really don't think it's about to change now.

The point is all I wanted was for someone to pretend to write down the recommendation and pretend that they were going to forward it to someone who could do something about it - not insult my intelligence.

I had a bad day at work and then I was being told that I needed to circle a date on my calendar by someone who I didn't ask for advice from - I was peeved...

Obviously I'm still peeved..

Woah!

Woah...slow down baby girl. Baby girl is growing so fast - it's crazy. The other day she learned to get down from the couch. She rolls herself over onto her stomach and slides down the couch to a standing position - AMAZING! It's so amazing to see her doing new things every day. She is just learning something new everyday.

So - the question is - how do I stop it. OK - I'm kidding...I love that she's moving along in her life - I can't wait to see what she turns out to be - and I am loving the journey. But - wow - how quick the time flies.

I am getting ready to stop nursing her - well, I don't nurse her that much anymore to begin w/ - and I only get to pump about 4 oz a day - so it's not that big a deal in the scheme of things - but its a big deal to me. I like it - I like that she can get something from me that she can't get anywhere else. I like that she knows me and what I'm for - well - one of the things that I am for.

And yes, it does get frustrating when I can't get more than 2oz at a pumping session - or that sometimes she prefers the bottle to the boob...but all in all it is just a symptom of her growing up. And that makes me sad...and happy...and sad again...

Patience

So - I was finally able to do something that I have been wanting to do for a long time. You see - there is this woman in my office - who I just really don't like. She is condescending and rude - and I really don't think she knows what she's doing so instead she flirts with our boss - yes, our boss the man who everyone I work with is convinced is gay - I am not so sure - but that's more because my "gaydar" has failed me so often...anyway - it's besides the point - gay or not - she is flirts with him incessantly - little things like touching the arm - or leaning in too close - or just giggling tirelessly at bad jokes...but whatever - that's not why I don't like her - it doesn't make it better - but it's not why.

Anyway - the point of this post is - the other day I had asked her for her slide deck (PowerPoint) for a presentation I was pulling together. She never responded to my email - I resent the email a few days later and again no response. (I don't think that she feels the need to respond to my emails - it's beneath her)...anyway - finally she tells me she'll have it done by Friday COB - I asked for it Thursday COB - but whatever - I can be flexible. So - Friday @ 4pm I get to my desk and there it is - a hard copy with handwritten notes. We work in the IT dept people!!! COME ON!! Anyway - this is the good part - I walked over to her desk with the slide deck and said, "Blankety Blank - this looks great! Are you having trouble accessing SharePoint (where we keep the file) - she said, "no". I said, "great - then why don't you just go ahead and update the slide deck in PP and let me know when you're done." She said, "No." I said (with a huge smile on my face), "excuse me?" She said - "well if I do that - you won't have it by 5"...I said, "oh -that's fine - blankety blank - won't be able to get me his until 12 on Monday - so you're fine." She said, "OK".

If you knew me - you would know that this was a humongous show of restraint! And the sugary sweet - big smile - method of handling it worked...I might have to try it again!!

The Zoo

So, we took our darling daughter to the Zoo for the first time today. The Elmwood Zoo to be exact. I had a fantasy of taking her to the big Philadelphia Zoo, but after watching her at the Elmwood Zoo I realized that the big zoo might just be too big...but I still want to go - she hasn't seen giraffes or elephants yet - and she loves when I make the elephant noise - somewhat embarrasing for me...but hey.

That is one thing I never thought I would do - I make weird animal noises in public for my daughter. Sometimes people stare - most of the time I am not embarrased - but sometimes...sometimes it is just plain silly to see a grown woman hooting like an owl. :-)

Anyway - this week was big too because darling daughter officially started crawling this week. She started slow with a weird kind of bent leg in the front crawl - too hard to describe - but moved on to the real right knee left knee crawl. It has changed our world. No more leaving her to play on her own - nope - now everything has to be watched and watched CAREFULLY. At the zoo she got a rock in her mouth - my fault - I just wasn't paying close enough attention. It was scary - but a reminder that I have to get ready for more of that as we move forward.

I have to go take a nap now - because on top of it all - she's teething and hasn't made it through the night in over a week - which of course means that I get to sleep in a chair in her room...what joy! :-)

Business

So, I guess I should be honest - I really like my job - I love the organization that I work for, but I want to do something else with my life. I want to be my own boss - I want to build a business, I want to make it successful, and I want it to be profitable. I have a dream that having my own business will allow me to spend more time at home, feel more successful and leave something for my kids that they can carry on - I know - they won't want to carry on the family business, but this is my dream so...

Anyway - I finally have a draft of my business plan done! YEAH ME! I am so excited. I have a goal of having the site up by 1/1/08 - so between now and then I have a lot of work to do. The real problem is that I don't know what the next steps are. Lucky for me I have a bunch of people in my life who do! I am tapping every single one of them for their brilliant minds and I really believe that this is going to happen!!!

So I have to put in a lot of work. I am enthusiastic about that too...this is going to be awesome and I am going to show Reese that anything is possible! That's probably the most exciting piece of this whole thing...more on this at another date!

Sleep

So last night I didn't get much sleep, but my darling husband did. And tonight - I had our baby girl in bed all asleep when she woke up screaming - a habit she has recently gotten into. As this was my third attempt at getting her to sleep - B went in to get her to go back to bed. I'd say about 7 minutes after going in and a bit of crying and stopping and crying some more I see his head pop out of her room with a huge smile on his face...he says she's going to come get you...and lo and behold there is my little girl walking towards me with a huge smile on her face.

Alright - it was cute - but come on. I had just spent an hour getting her down - the third attempt did it and he ruins it all by playing with her at bedtime. I mean come on! I have told him multiple times that when she wakes up at night you have to virtually ignore her - you can't play with her - you have to make it as boring for her as humanly possible - but no - he can't deal. I think that he just wanted to finish his dinner, but come on - I postpone my dinner every night to get her to bed - what the f--k!

Anyway - that's enough of that - he's a good dad and a great husband - but sometimes we are just not on the same page - this is one of them