Patience

So - I was finally able to do something that I have been wanting to do for a long time. You see - there is this woman in my office - who I just really don't like. She is condescending and rude - and I really don't think she knows what she's doing so instead she flirts with our boss - yes, our boss the man who everyone I work with is convinced is gay - I am not so sure - but that's more because my "gaydar" has failed me so often...anyway - it's besides the point - gay or not - she is flirts with him incessantly - little things like touching the arm - or leaning in too close - or just giggling tirelessly at bad jokes...but whatever - that's not why I don't like her - it doesn't make it better - but it's not why.

Anyway - the point of this post is - the other day I had asked her for her slide deck (PowerPoint) for a presentation I was pulling together. She never responded to my email - I resent the email a few days later and again no response. (I don't think that she feels the need to respond to my emails - it's beneath her)...anyway - finally she tells me she'll have it done by Friday COB - I asked for it Thursday COB - but whatever - I can be flexible. So - Friday @ 4pm I get to my desk and there it is - a hard copy with handwritten notes. We work in the IT dept people!!! COME ON!! Anyway - this is the good part - I walked over to her desk with the slide deck and said, "Blankety Blank - this looks great! Are you having trouble accessing SharePoint (where we keep the file) - she said, "no". I said, "great - then why don't you just go ahead and update the slide deck in PP and let me know when you're done." She said, "No." I said (with a huge smile on my face), "excuse me?" She said - "well if I do that - you won't have it by 5"...I said, "oh -that's fine - blankety blank - won't be able to get me his until 12 on Monday - so you're fine." She said, "OK".

If you knew me - you would know that this was a humongous show of restraint! And the sugary sweet - big smile - method of handling it worked...I might have to try it again!!

The Zoo

So, we took our darling daughter to the Zoo for the first time today. The Elmwood Zoo to be exact. I had a fantasy of taking her to the big Philadelphia Zoo, but after watching her at the Elmwood Zoo I realized that the big zoo might just be too big...but I still want to go - she hasn't seen giraffes or elephants yet - and she loves when I make the elephant noise - somewhat embarrasing for me...but hey.

That is one thing I never thought I would do - I make weird animal noises in public for my daughter. Sometimes people stare - most of the time I am not embarrased - but sometimes...sometimes it is just plain silly to see a grown woman hooting like an owl. :-)

Anyway - this week was big too because darling daughter officially started crawling this week. She started slow with a weird kind of bent leg in the front crawl - too hard to describe - but moved on to the real right knee left knee crawl. It has changed our world. No more leaving her to play on her own - nope - now everything has to be watched and watched CAREFULLY. At the zoo she got a rock in her mouth - my fault - I just wasn't paying close enough attention. It was scary - but a reminder that I have to get ready for more of that as we move forward.

I have to go take a nap now - because on top of it all - she's teething and hasn't made it through the night in over a week - which of course means that I get to sleep in a chair in her room...what joy! :-)

Business

So, I guess I should be honest - I really like my job - I love the organization that I work for, but I want to do something else with my life. I want to be my own boss - I want to build a business, I want to make it successful, and I want it to be profitable. I have a dream that having my own business will allow me to spend more time at home, feel more successful and leave something for my kids that they can carry on - I know - they won't want to carry on the family business, but this is my dream so...

Anyway - I finally have a draft of my business plan done! YEAH ME! I am so excited. I have a goal of having the site up by 1/1/08 - so between now and then I have a lot of work to do. The real problem is that I don't know what the next steps are. Lucky for me I have a bunch of people in my life who do! I am tapping every single one of them for their brilliant minds and I really believe that this is going to happen!!!

So I have to put in a lot of work. I am enthusiastic about that too...this is going to be awesome and I am going to show Reese that anything is possible! That's probably the most exciting piece of this whole thing...more on this at another date!

Sleep

So last night I didn't get much sleep, but my darling husband did. And tonight - I had our baby girl in bed all asleep when she woke up screaming - a habit she has recently gotten into. As this was my third attempt at getting her to sleep - B went in to get her to go back to bed. I'd say about 7 minutes after going in and a bit of crying and stopping and crying some more I see his head pop out of her room with a huge smile on his face...he says she's going to come get you...and lo and behold there is my little girl walking towards me with a huge smile on her face.

Alright - it was cute - but come on. I had just spent an hour getting her down - the third attempt did it and he ruins it all by playing with her at bedtime. I mean come on! I have told him multiple times that when she wakes up at night you have to virtually ignore her - you can't play with her - you have to make it as boring for her as humanly possible - but no - he can't deal. I think that he just wanted to finish his dinner, but come on - I postpone my dinner every night to get her to bed - what the f--k!

Anyway - that's enough of that - he's a good dad and a great husband - but sometimes we are just not on the same page - this is one of them

Going to Spain!

So we're going to Spain - well actually we're not - my husband is. His best friend from high school is getting married - in Spain. Marbella actually. We found this out about a year ago - while I was about 5 months prego. I was so excited when we found out - I've never been to Europe before and I really like this couple - so I was looking forward to an amazing wedding in an exotic location and a fabulous trip away from the husband and I.

Well - when I was getting so excited - I guess I forgot who I married. My husband has issues with noise and with - I don't know the right word - but bringing a 7 month old on a plane to a foreign country w/ a major time change -even thinking about it - makes him want to tear his eyes out and step on them.

So, he's going to Spain and I - well I am staying home alone with my 7 month old.

Yes, that sucks, and yes, I am upset - I had been making plans to go since we had heard that they were engaged.

And let me be clear - since my husband and I have been together - heading on 10 years now - this is his second trip to Europe to see this same friend that he's made - and the second trip that I won't be included in. No - he's not awful and horrible - but he can't get past bringing her on the plane and dealing w/ her sleeping habits and the time change. And - its expensive - not that his plane ticket, hotel room, expenses, and new black suit and shoes were/are going to be cheap, but another plane ticket on top of it would have put it over the top. But there in lies the rub - its not that we can't afford it - it would make things tight around here for a while - but it would have been so exciting...I mean we're talking Spain here!

Anyway - I guess I need to get over it and move on - but here I am still thinking about it and he's leaving in 5 days...I guess I've got some more time.

Balance

So I love this idea of work-life balance. Don't get me wrong - I don't see myself as the type of woman who could stay home full-time - nothing wrong with it - I just don't think it fits my personality - but I still think that there is a point of balance that can be achieved. I think that a lot of women I know have it - I don't seem to.

I am trying to figure out how you can balance your life - when you spend - 8-10 hours a day at work/commuting and then you come home - but you can't relax when you come home because you have a husband and a child at home who want/need your attention. Specifically - once I get home I have about 1 and 1/2 hours w/ my daughter before she falls asleep - time that I should be spending w/ her so that she doesn't begin to think that her grandmother and the "daycare" lady are her "real" moms.

That being said - once I have gone through the task of getting her to sleep, finally get some dinner and have time to do me things - its' 8:30. So now - I go to be around 10 - I have 1 and 1/2 hours of time to do things that I need to do.

And what I NEED to do and what I want or end up doing are 2 different things. I need to clean my bathroom and scrub the tub, I need to iron my work clothes for the next day, drop off my dry cleaning and go grocery shopping. I need to pick up the books at the library and plan the weekend for my daughter. I need to call back some friends and make plans, I need to get a workout in.

I wind up watching t.v or blogging or posting to Mom's boards on the computer. I have no balance. I want to be working out, and besides the bad back the other draw away from the treadmill is - the t.v.

T.V. is great - but it also sucks - it is sucking the brain right out of my head. How many seasons of America's Next Top Model can I watch before I decide that it sucks. How many episodes of General Hospital do I need to watch (on TIVO of course) before I decide that I don't care if Emily and Nicolas wind up together...

I have these dreams of being an intellectual - but in reality I am a crap t.v watcher. No wonder the advertising business is so huge!

Yeah!

So, darling daughter slept through the WHOLE night last night. Yep - from 7:30 is or so to 7:00am - and that was w/ a feeding at 6:30am - she ate and slept right through it. My DH said that she was still asleep when they went to leave - so he put her in the carseat and took her to our daycare lady's house in her PJ's.

So -that's the good news!

The bad news - well...not sure I am happy w/ my job right now - things just aren't what I want them to be - so right after I finish this I am going to apply for another job w/in my company - but something that will bring me back to my education roots of public policy...we'll see... wish me luck...