Going to Spain!

So we're going to Spain - well actually we're not - my husband is. His best friend from high school is getting married - in Spain. Marbella actually. We found this out about a year ago - while I was about 5 months prego. I was so excited when we found out - I've never been to Europe before and I really like this couple - so I was looking forward to an amazing wedding in an exotic location and a fabulous trip away from the husband and I.

Well - when I was getting so excited - I guess I forgot who I married. My husband has issues with noise and with - I don't know the right word - but bringing a 7 month old on a plane to a foreign country w/ a major time change -even thinking about it - makes him want to tear his eyes out and step on them.

So, he's going to Spain and I - well I am staying home alone with my 7 month old.

Yes, that sucks, and yes, I am upset - I had been making plans to go since we had heard that they were engaged.

And let me be clear - since my husband and I have been together - heading on 10 years now - this is his second trip to Europe to see this same friend that he's made - and the second trip that I won't be included in. No - he's not awful and horrible - but he can't get past bringing her on the plane and dealing w/ her sleeping habits and the time change. And - its expensive - not that his plane ticket, hotel room, expenses, and new black suit and shoes were/are going to be cheap, but another plane ticket on top of it would have put it over the top. But there in lies the rub - its not that we can't afford it - it would make things tight around here for a while - but it would have been so exciting...I mean we're talking Spain here!

Anyway - I guess I need to get over it and move on - but here I am still thinking about it and he's leaving in 5 days...I guess I've got some more time.

Balance

So I love this idea of work-life balance. Don't get me wrong - I don't see myself as the type of woman who could stay home full-time - nothing wrong with it - I just don't think it fits my personality - but I still think that there is a point of balance that can be achieved. I think that a lot of women I know have it - I don't seem to.

I am trying to figure out how you can balance your life - when you spend - 8-10 hours a day at work/commuting and then you come home - but you can't relax when you come home because you have a husband and a child at home who want/need your attention. Specifically - once I get home I have about 1 and 1/2 hours w/ my daughter before she falls asleep - time that I should be spending w/ her so that she doesn't begin to think that her grandmother and the "daycare" lady are her "real" moms.

That being said - once I have gone through the task of getting her to sleep, finally get some dinner and have time to do me things - its' 8:30. So now - I go to be around 10 - I have 1 and 1/2 hours of time to do things that I need to do.

And what I NEED to do and what I want or end up doing are 2 different things. I need to clean my bathroom and scrub the tub, I need to iron my work clothes for the next day, drop off my dry cleaning and go grocery shopping. I need to pick up the books at the library and plan the weekend for my daughter. I need to call back some friends and make plans, I need to get a workout in.

I wind up watching t.v or blogging or posting to Mom's boards on the computer. I have no balance. I want to be working out, and besides the bad back the other draw away from the treadmill is - the t.v.

T.V. is great - but it also sucks - it is sucking the brain right out of my head. How many seasons of America's Next Top Model can I watch before I decide that it sucks. How many episodes of General Hospital do I need to watch (on TIVO of course) before I decide that I don't care if Emily and Nicolas wind up together...

I have these dreams of being an intellectual - but in reality I am a crap t.v watcher. No wonder the advertising business is so huge!

Pregnant Again?

So, I've been trying not to believe that it's possible that I am pregnant again - and believe me the opportunities over the past 3 months have been far and few between...but it is possible. I have been procrastinating over taking a pregnancy test for weeks now - but it feels as if there is a tipping point. Everyone has been making comments about how funny it would be if I were pregnant again - I mean everyone - colleagues, my boss, family, etc...I am almost freaked out that the more they say it the more it could be true.

It's not that I wouldn't welcome another child - I always wanted 3, but I am so not ready!! Not ready at all - I can't figure out how to even begin to contemplate what that would mean.

But, that being said - perhaps I should just take the darn test...but not tonight - and probably not tomorrow.

Breastfeeding in Public

So, I have given this a lot of thought. The reality is that before I gave birth to my daughter and chose to breastfeed I probably thought that the idea of feeding your child in public was gross - but now that I am breastfeeding a child - I have a different opinion on it.

Now - don't get all blustery on me until you hear what I have to say. I am still uncomfortable w/ the idea of having my breast bared to the world, however, I see nothing wrong w/ throwing a blanket over my shoulder and feeding my daughter most anywhere. I might draw the line at the dinner table in a restaurant or in church, but other than that off the top of my head I can't think of that many places it would be wrong.

I mean - the reality is that no one can see what you are doing, they can't see your boob. It is only what lies in their imagination that is upsetting to them.

I was in the mall with my darling husband the other day - and he was embarrassed by the fact that I pulled the stroller up to a bench, took out my blanket, threw it over my shoulder and fed our daughter. He wasn't comfortable w/ the idea of it even thought I had the stroller in front of me, so most people unless they were really looking wouldn't have even known that I was feeding our daughter.

So, if please accept my apologies if I ever looked at you oddly when you were feeding your child in public - I guess it's one of those things - if you have never been in the situation you don't know what you would do. Now I do.

First time

So yesterday was the first time that I left my darling daughter with someone that was not her father. I left her with my mother-in-law who absolutely adores her for an hour so that I could go to the gym for my first gym workout post baby. It was really nice to get out of the house - I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.

I was really scared to leave her. Not that I thought that my mother-in-law couldn't take care of her, but - I think I thought that she wouldn't take care of her like I do. I think that noone will take care of her like I do - and that includes her father.

This attitude of mine has to go of course - because I am going back to work in a matter of weeks and my mother-in-law is going to be watching her for a while before we put her in daycare. And it is of course not going to benefit my marriage if I continue w/ these thoughts. But - in all honesty - I am home with her all day and I have learned her rythyms, her noises, her needs and while my darling husband adores her he just doesn't have that much experience with her - and neither does my mother-in-law.

That being said - I left her happy and healthy and I came back to her healthy and happy - and I was healthier and happier too. I got to get out - work on getting my pre-pregnancy belly back and I got an hour w/o the baby. That really hasn't happened in the past 7 and a half weeks. I am going to do it again tomorrow - and maybe we can work on stretching it out a little from an hour to an hour and a half and so on...maybe...