Friends

My parents came to visit today. They live about 2 hours away and they are making an effort to come and visit us once a month so that they don't become strangers to our darling daughter. So, my mother came and she cooked us enough dinners for a week and my Dad covered our water heater and helped seal our windows...it was nice. I also got a break and went out to brunch w/a friend since my husband was working all weekend and I didn't get to see much of him - which meant that I was with baby girl all weekend (which don't get me wrong - I enjoy, but even the best of Mom's need 2 hours w/o their baby girls/boys).

So we went out to brunch - and just had girl time! It was great. I can't believe how much I miss just hanging out w/ the girls and how much more special it makes coming home to a cooing giggling baby girl. Of course she wasn't cooing or giggling this time, but crying her head off - something was going on w/ her today and I feel really bad for my parents because she is normally a really great baby - but today she just had a bad day and wasn't having any of it. Alas, all babies have their bad days right??

Research Pays Off

So, I've never been that great at research - one of the big reasons that I can't imagine getting a PhD., but that's besides the point. Anyway, after having problems with low milk supply over the past few months - it has come down to the fact that I haven't been able produce enough milk to sustain Reese during the day while I am at work and I have had to give in to supplementing her bottles with 1/2 formula 1/2 breast milk. I truly wanted to breastfeed her for 1 complete year - in line with the recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

I thought that I would have to settle for supplementing her bottles with formula (which was for me a decision I just didn't want to have to make, but a decision that others make and with which I have no issues for those who choose or must make). However, I kept on digging - trying to find a reason that I haven't been able to produce enough milk for Reese.

I have tried herbal supplements, Fenugreek, Mother's Milk Tea, on-demand feedings, extra pumping sessions, etc. But then, I found a number of articles describing a connection between hypothyroidism and low milk supply. I gave it some thought and found that I had many of the symptoms that were being described as hypothyroidism. 1) extreme exhaustion, 2) dry skin, hair and nails, 3) low libido, 4) increased weight gain/inability to lose weight, etc. While I don't have all of the symptoms, I did have many - but I found that there was also a very obvious connection between those same symptoms and being a new mother - 1) extreme exhaustion - obvious - 2) dry skin - well as a new mom you wash your hands often and - that too can cause dry skin, 3) low libido - well - you wake up 3-4 times a night and tell me how often you feel like having sex? - 4) increased weight gain/inability to lose weight - again - w/ a 4 month old and working full time - it makes it hard to find time to get to the gym.

But - all that being said - I called my MD and asked for a thyroid test (if you know how deathly afraid of needles I am you would understand how big a deal that was) and it just came back that I have extremely high levels of TSH - indicating that I have hypothyroidism. Which is great news in that I can take a pill to replace the hormones that I need, however, it also means that I have one more thing that is wrong w/ me. But - alas at least I have an answer to why I have been unable to make enough milk for my DD.

Now I just have to deal with the effects of this disorder on top of the other and hope that everything works out well. Hmm...the life of a new mother...

My Loving MIL

Ahh- I love my mother-in-law! She has been so good to me, to us and she adores my daughter. Why then does she irritate the crap out of me sometimes? Please tell me why!!! There are days where I really can't handle being around her - and I feel awful because she has done nothing to deserve it. She takes care of my daughter 3 days a week, she is very kind and sweet to me, she and her husband gave us their car, she is constantly trying to help if we need it. But yet...something irks me.

I mean I know what it is sometimes. Like when she pats me on the back for what feels like an eternity but is probably only a minute or so - I really don't like to be touched. Or when she makes comments that are opinions, but does so in a way that make them sound like facts...I get it then, but why oh why can't I get past all of that and just appreciate her?

Gilmore Girls

So, I love the Gilmore Girls - it is probably in the top 5 of my favorite t.v. shows - and I have a lot of t.v. shows that I like to watch, but I love The Gilmore Girls!!!

Anyway, here I am w/ my cat curled up in my lap, my husband on the other couch falling asleep w/ our daughter in his arms and The Gilmore Girls on the television and I was just thinking how nice it was to have a quiet night in. But then I started thinking how great it would be to have the Rory/Lorelai dynamic w/ my daughter. But that would mean having to be her friend and do I really want to be my daughters friend or do I want to have the distinct difference of parent vs. friend? I have no answers for these questions...but...of course I had to start thinking about all of this stuff because...well because this is what I do...

A Matter of Interpretation

So how is it that men can interpret a question so differently than it is said? For example, I ask my darling husband - Did you do this? He responds w/ a slight vague answer that does not actually answer the question, but yet appears to. For example, DH - Did you ever ask our friends if they did X for us? His response - I don't believe they did. Now he isn't lying - he doesn't believe they did, but he also isn't answering the question which was did you ever ASK our friends if they...his way of getting around the fact that he didn't do what he was directly asked to do, but w/o lying about it.

I hate when he does that - it smells of a general lack of accountability to me and it pisses me off. But, in my head - it's just one of those battles that I will choose not to fight. I'll write about it, but I won't fight about it...

Not PG

So, I broke down and took a test - I'm not PG. Which is nice and relaxing, but also kind of sad. B and I are slightly dissapointed, but relieved at the same time - what an odd feeling...I don't quite understand what this feeling is...but...

Care Givers

Finding a care giver for your child is so important. We looked at nannies (in home) day care centers, and in-home daycares before settling on Ms. Brandy who takes care of her own 2 children (11 months apart!!!) as well as one other girl on MWF and her 2 children and Reese on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Her girls are almost 3 and almost 4. They are cute and they really seem to like to have my daughter at their home.

But, the best part is Ms. Brandy - she is great. She genuinely seems to enjoy children and she really wants both Brendan and I to feel comfortable with her. She is so great - she sends me pictures at work so that I know that Reese is doing alright and she even took a video of her rolling over this week - something that Brendan had yet to see! Leaving Reese isn't easy, but having someone so great take care of her makes it that much easier!

Book Club

So, I joined a book club. Yes, me - joining something. And before you say it, yes I did "join" 2 on-line Mom's clubs, but that is different because it's on line - you don't have to do anything that you don't want to, you don't even have to meet the people if you don't want to. A book club however is a different story. You have to get together with the group and read something that is decided by consensus...not typically my cup of tea. But, I have found a group of women that I think I will enjoy being with and if I read a book that I really don't like - what is the harm in that right?

Guess I am just trying to figure out what about having had a baby has made me into someone who would become a joiner. Have I changed that much?

Full Disclosure

In an effort to provide full disclosure I must admit something. I have been updating the links on my page and I added a new one today. Charity Navigator. I hope that a lot of you have heard of this site - or even use it, but my point today is to let you know that I added it - and to add that I did my graduate school internship w/ Charity Navigator in 2002. Nothing unethical going on - just felt like I should be open about it.

That being said, had I not done my internship there I would still link to the site. I think it's a great site for donors who want to know exactly what is happening w/ their money once they give it away.

Also, I stopped by their offices when I was home a week and a half ago to say hi to everyone and introduce them to my baby and it occurred to me that I could link to the site...anyway - enough said - take a look for yourself.

Parents Should Watch This

I hate to start the day off on a sad note, but I am looking at this as spreading the word, not sharing a sad story. Parents out there should take a look at the video on this link - I hope you never need the information, but if you do, it may help you one day.

http://jody2ms.com/archives/599

The Best Cake Ever

I meant to post this a while back and forgot - so I have to catch up... Right after Christmas we had a dinner party for a few friends and my sister-in-law. It was a really great night, and I think the food turned out alright, but I am sure that the cake did. It was awesome, I want to make it all the time it was so good - and to top it off it wasn't that hard. I really enjoyed cooking something from scratch (since I don't do it that often) and I loved the fact that it turned out well (as not everything I cook turns out really well)...anyway - here's the recipe...you have to try it!!!

Coconut Cake with Buttercream Frosting

Cake:
Cooking spray
1 tablespoon cake flour
2 1/2 cups cake flour (about 10 ounces)
2 teaspoons baking powder object
1/2 teaspoon salt object
2 cups sugar object
6 tablespoons butter, softened
1/4 cup egg substitute object
2 large eggs object
3/4 cup light coconut milk object
1/4 teaspoon coconut extract

Frosting:
1 cup sugar object
1/4 cup water object
5 large egg whites object
1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar
1/8 teaspoon salt object
1/4 cup butter, softened object
1/4 teaspoon coconut extract (optional)
3 tablespoons toasted flaked sweetened coconut

Preheat oven to 350°

To prepare cake, coat 3 (8-inch) round cake pans with cooking spray; line bottoms of pans with wax paper. Lightly coat wax paper with cooking spray; dust pans with 1 tablespoon flour.
Lightly spoon 2 1/2 cups flour into dry measuring cups, and level with a knife. Combine flour, baking powder, and salt, stirring with a whisk. Place 2 cups sugar and 6 tablespoons butter in a large bowl; beat with a mixer at medium speed for 2 minutes or until well blended. Add egg substitute and eggs to sugar mixture; beat well. Add flour mixture and coconut milk alternately to sugar mixture, beginning and ending with flour mixture. Stir in 1/4 teaspoon extract.
Spoon batter into prepared pans. Sharply tap the pans once on countertop to remove air bubbles. Bake at 350° for 25 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool in pans 10 minutes on wire racks; remove from pans. Remove wax paper; discard. Cool cakes on wire racks.

To prepare frosting, combine 1 cup sugar and 1/4 cup water in a saucepan; bring to a boil. Cook 3 minutes, without stirring, or until a candy thermometer registers 250°. Combine egg whites, cream of tartar, and 1/8 teaspoon salt in a large bowl; using clean, dry beaters, beat with a mixer at high speed until foamy. Pour hot sugar syrup in a thin stream over egg whites, beating at high speed until stiff peaks form, about 3 minutes. Reduce mixer speed to low; continue beating until egg white mixture cools (about 12 minutes).
Beat 1/4 cup butter until light and fluffy; stir in 1/4 teaspoon extract, if desired. Fold in 1 cup egg white mixture. Fold butter mixture into remaining egg white mixture, stirring until smooth.

Place 1 cake layer on a plate; spread with 1 cup frosting. Repeat twice with cake layers and 1 cup frosting, ending with cake layer; spread remaining frosting over top and sides of cake. Sprinkle with toasted coconut. Chill until set. Yield: 16 servings (serving size: 1 slice)

NUTRITION PER SERVINGCALORIES 317(25% from fat); FAT 8.8g (sat 5.5g,mono 0.3g,poly 0.2g); PROTEIN 4.4g; CHOLESTEROL 45mg; CALCIUM 10mg; SODIUM 267mg; FIBER 0.4g; IRON 1.9mg; CARBOHYDRATE 55.6g

Cooking Light, DECEMBER 2006

Pregnant Again?

So, I've been trying not to believe that it's possible that I am pregnant again - and believe me the opportunities over the past 3 months have been far and few between...but it is possible. I have been procrastinating over taking a pregnancy test for weeks now - but it feels as if there is a tipping point. Everyone has been making comments about how funny it would be if I were pregnant again - I mean everyone - colleagues, my boss, family, etc...I am almost freaked out that the more they say it the more it could be true.

It's not that I wouldn't welcome another child - I always wanted 3, but I am so not ready!! Not ready at all - I can't figure out how to even begin to contemplate what that would mean.

But, that being said - perhaps I should just take the darn test...but not tonight - and probably not tomorrow.

The Gift

So, I uploaded all of the pictures that I could get to (which wasn't as many as I wanted - given the fact that I also started working (from the office) again this past week)...but anyway...I uploaded the pictures, created the DVD and after the baptism (which went well, but more on that later) I ran it for my family.

Everyone really seemed to like it - there was a lot of pausing and recreating of poses. My brothers (the majority of the pictures are of them) seemed to really like it, so all in all I think it was a hit.

Now I just have to get the other 40 boxes of slides scanned and on DVDs and the gift will be done in time for Father's Day right???

Back to Work

So, I have officially been back to work for 1 week and 4 days and today, the 4th day of the second week, I am working from home. Add to that the fact that last week - I had to leave early on Friday to take my darling daughter to a doctor's appointment and you may understand that I am feeling the pressures of motherhood and working and its only been less than 2 weeks.

Early this morning, my daycare provider sent me an email telling me that one of her daughter s(who are in the home w/ her while she takes care of my daughter) had a 104 degree temperature last night and although she was fine with Reese still coming to stay there today she would leave it up to me. Well, that didn't make me too comfortable as I really don't want my 3 month old ending up w/ a 104 degree fever. So, like all good "alpha" moms I went to my back up and asked my husband to ask my mother-in-law (who watches Reese 3x a week) if she could take her today. No luck - my mother-in-law was otherwise engaged w/ plans that couldn't be changed. So, I called in to let my boss know that I was going to work from home.

So, some of you may think, no big deal - why is she complaining - she gets to work from home. Well, my issue is that I feel guilty and I feel stupid because in writing my email to my boss this AM I feel like I asked for permission to work from home (something I should note) is quite normal in my office) instead of stating my need. I have read a lot about how women tend to ask for permission while men just do it and then apologize if it was not the right thing to do, which is how then end up making 24 cents on the dollar more than women.

So, now I feel like I feel guilty for not being in the office, having just come back 2 weeks ago and I feel guilty for asking permission to take care of my child.

Not off to a good start w/ this whole "alpha mom" thing now am I.

*I should note that the alpha mom thing is just a joke - I am really just trying to be a great mom, a great wife and a great employee...that should be possible right?