How Sad

There are so many sad things going on in this world. The earthquake in Peru, the bridge collapse in Minnesota, starvation in third world countries, the Iraq war just to name a few. But today - this one caught me by surprise and pulled at my heartstrings dramatically.

"Man kissed ailing wife, threw her off balcony, prosecutors say" http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/08/16/wife.killed.ap/index.html
Apparently his wife was dying of uterine cancer and other ailments and he couldn't keep up with the medical bills. The details were a little bit sketchy - they don't say what her prognosis was, if he had applied for medical assistance, etc. but how sad.

How sad for his wife who was pushed off a building to her death. I can't imagine what it would have felt like to know what he was doing and not be able to stop it - or worse yet, to not want to have stopped it. And how sad for him. To be in a situation where you feel like that is your last option. How sad.

I can't pretend to know their situation, but I must say that things like this just shouldn't happen. People should have a place to turn when nothing else has worked, when they have no other options. Scratch that - people should have a place to turn before it gets that bad - when they can see that the future is bleak.

This type of thing can be stopped - Medicaid could help, Social Security for the disabled, state aid, etc. That's not to mention a national health insurance program would have made this story non-existent.

God bless her, her husband and their families. I hope he can forgive himself and that she is in a better place.

Over Due

So, I admit that I am not really very good at returning my library books - o.k. I am really bad at returning my library books on time. It is actually a lifelong trait - I was really bad at it as a kid - I once ended up owing $60 for an overdue movie at the library - I think I could of bought it for as much as I ended up owing in fees...but that's a whole other story...

Anyway - I think I mentioned once before that I joined a book club through my Mom's group. I really like it- I have met a lot of great women and even read some decent books. But - our last meeting was kind of a flop - just me an one other woman and neither of us had finished the book. Then I forgot about the book. I went to order a book from the library and I noticed that I had an overdue book on the listing - the book club book...anyway - I just got to the library on Friday and I ended up owing about $4.75 in fines.

I asked if they send out overdue notices - they said yes, but couldn't tell me when. When pushed - she said - it must be over 19 days - my book was 19 days over due. So, me being me - I said - that is really frustrating. My book was 19 days overdue and they hadn't sent me a notice - but at 21 days they would have. Why 21 days - why not 10 days. I would really prefer not to owe $5.00 every time I have an overdue book - which let's be honest is a reality.

Anyway - the librarian came up with approx. 5 different options for how I could remember to return my library books...I was sitting there thinking - what the hell - I don't need someone to tell me to circle the due date on my calendar - if it hasn't worked at this point - I really don't think it's about to change now.

The point is all I wanted was for someone to pretend to write down the recommendation and pretend that they were going to forward it to someone who could do something about it - not insult my intelligence.

I had a bad day at work and then I was being told that I needed to circle a date on my calendar by someone who I didn't ask for advice from - I was peeved...

Obviously I'm still peeved..

Woah!

Woah...slow down baby girl. Baby girl is growing so fast - it's crazy. The other day she learned to get down from the couch. She rolls herself over onto her stomach and slides down the couch to a standing position - AMAZING! It's so amazing to see her doing new things every day. She is just learning something new everyday.

So - the question is - how do I stop it. OK - I'm kidding...I love that she's moving along in her life - I can't wait to see what she turns out to be - and I am loving the journey. But - wow - how quick the time flies.

I am getting ready to stop nursing her - well, I don't nurse her that much anymore to begin w/ - and I only get to pump about 4 oz a day - so it's not that big a deal in the scheme of things - but its a big deal to me. I like it - I like that she can get something from me that she can't get anywhere else. I like that she knows me and what I'm for - well - one of the things that I am for.

And yes, it does get frustrating when I can't get more than 2oz at a pumping session - or that sometimes she prefers the bottle to the boob...but all in all it is just a symptom of her growing up. And that makes me sad...and happy...and sad again...

Patience

So - I was finally able to do something that I have been wanting to do for a long time. You see - there is this woman in my office - who I just really don't like. She is condescending and rude - and I really don't think she knows what she's doing so instead she flirts with our boss - yes, our boss the man who everyone I work with is convinced is gay - I am not so sure - but that's more because my "gaydar" has failed me so often...anyway - it's besides the point - gay or not - she is flirts with him incessantly - little things like touching the arm - or leaning in too close - or just giggling tirelessly at bad jokes...but whatever - that's not why I don't like her - it doesn't make it better - but it's not why.

Anyway - the point of this post is - the other day I had asked her for her slide deck (PowerPoint) for a presentation I was pulling together. She never responded to my email - I resent the email a few days later and again no response. (I don't think that she feels the need to respond to my emails - it's beneath her)...anyway - finally she tells me she'll have it done by Friday COB - I asked for it Thursday COB - but whatever - I can be flexible. So - Friday @ 4pm I get to my desk and there it is - a hard copy with handwritten notes. We work in the IT dept people!!! COME ON!! Anyway - this is the good part - I walked over to her desk with the slide deck and said, "Blankety Blank - this looks great! Are you having trouble accessing SharePoint (where we keep the file) - she said, "no". I said, "great - then why don't you just go ahead and update the slide deck in PP and let me know when you're done." She said, "No." I said (with a huge smile on my face), "excuse me?" She said - "well if I do that - you won't have it by 5"...I said, "oh -that's fine - blankety blank - won't be able to get me his until 12 on Monday - so you're fine." She said, "OK".

If you knew me - you would know that this was a humongous show of restraint! And the sugary sweet - big smile - method of handling it worked...I might have to try it again!!

The Zoo

So, we took our darling daughter to the Zoo for the first time today. The Elmwood Zoo to be exact. I had a fantasy of taking her to the big Philadelphia Zoo, but after watching her at the Elmwood Zoo I realized that the big zoo might just be too big...but I still want to go - she hasn't seen giraffes or elephants yet - and she loves when I make the elephant noise - somewhat embarrasing for me...but hey.

That is one thing I never thought I would do - I make weird animal noises in public for my daughter. Sometimes people stare - most of the time I am not embarrased - but sometimes...sometimes it is just plain silly to see a grown woman hooting like an owl. :-)

Anyway - this week was big too because darling daughter officially started crawling this week. She started slow with a weird kind of bent leg in the front crawl - too hard to describe - but moved on to the real right knee left knee crawl. It has changed our world. No more leaving her to play on her own - nope - now everything has to be watched and watched CAREFULLY. At the zoo she got a rock in her mouth - my fault - I just wasn't paying close enough attention. It was scary - but a reminder that I have to get ready for more of that as we move forward.

I have to go take a nap now - because on top of it all - she's teething and hasn't made it through the night in over a week - which of course means that I get to sleep in a chair in her room...what joy! :-)

Business

So, I guess I should be honest - I really like my job - I love the organization that I work for, but I want to do something else with my life. I want to be my own boss - I want to build a business, I want to make it successful, and I want it to be profitable. I have a dream that having my own business will allow me to spend more time at home, feel more successful and leave something for my kids that they can carry on - I know - they won't want to carry on the family business, but this is my dream so...

Anyway - I finally have a draft of my business plan done! YEAH ME! I am so excited. I have a goal of having the site up by 1/1/08 - so between now and then I have a lot of work to do. The real problem is that I don't know what the next steps are. Lucky for me I have a bunch of people in my life who do! I am tapping every single one of them for their brilliant minds and I really believe that this is going to happen!!!

So I have to put in a lot of work. I am enthusiastic about that too...this is going to be awesome and I am going to show Reese that anything is possible! That's probably the most exciting piece of this whole thing...more on this at another date!

Sleep

So last night I didn't get much sleep, but my darling husband did. And tonight - I had our baby girl in bed all asleep when she woke up screaming - a habit she has recently gotten into. As this was my third attempt at getting her to sleep - B went in to get her to go back to bed. I'd say about 7 minutes after going in and a bit of crying and stopping and crying some more I see his head pop out of her room with a huge smile on his face...he says she's going to come get you...and lo and behold there is my little girl walking towards me with a huge smile on her face.

Alright - it was cute - but come on. I had just spent an hour getting her down - the third attempt did it and he ruins it all by playing with her at bedtime. I mean come on! I have told him multiple times that when she wakes up at night you have to virtually ignore her - you can't play with her - you have to make it as boring for her as humanly possible - but no - he can't deal. I think that he just wanted to finish his dinner, but come on - I postpone my dinner every night to get her to bed - what the f--k!

Anyway - that's enough of that - he's a good dad and a great husband - but sometimes we are just not on the same page - this is one of them

Going to Spain!

So we're going to Spain - well actually we're not - my husband is. His best friend from high school is getting married - in Spain. Marbella actually. We found this out about a year ago - while I was about 5 months prego. I was so excited when we found out - I've never been to Europe before and I really like this couple - so I was looking forward to an amazing wedding in an exotic location and a fabulous trip away from the husband and I.

Well - when I was getting so excited - I guess I forgot who I married. My husband has issues with noise and with - I don't know the right word - but bringing a 7 month old on a plane to a foreign country w/ a major time change -even thinking about it - makes him want to tear his eyes out and step on them.

So, he's going to Spain and I - well I am staying home alone with my 7 month old.

Yes, that sucks, and yes, I am upset - I had been making plans to go since we had heard that they were engaged.

And let me be clear - since my husband and I have been together - heading on 10 years now - this is his second trip to Europe to see this same friend that he's made - and the second trip that I won't be included in. No - he's not awful and horrible - but he can't get past bringing her on the plane and dealing w/ her sleeping habits and the time change. And - its expensive - not that his plane ticket, hotel room, expenses, and new black suit and shoes were/are going to be cheap, but another plane ticket on top of it would have put it over the top. But there in lies the rub - its not that we can't afford it - it would make things tight around here for a while - but it would have been so exciting...I mean we're talking Spain here!

Anyway - I guess I need to get over it and move on - but here I am still thinking about it and he's leaving in 5 days...I guess I've got some more time.

Balance

So I love this idea of work-life balance. Don't get me wrong - I don't see myself as the type of woman who could stay home full-time - nothing wrong with it - I just don't think it fits my personality - but I still think that there is a point of balance that can be achieved. I think that a lot of women I know have it - I don't seem to.

I am trying to figure out how you can balance your life - when you spend - 8-10 hours a day at work/commuting and then you come home - but you can't relax when you come home because you have a husband and a child at home who want/need your attention. Specifically - once I get home I have about 1 and 1/2 hours w/ my daughter before she falls asleep - time that I should be spending w/ her so that she doesn't begin to think that her grandmother and the "daycare" lady are her "real" moms.

That being said - once I have gone through the task of getting her to sleep, finally get some dinner and have time to do me things - its' 8:30. So now - I go to be around 10 - I have 1 and 1/2 hours of time to do things that I need to do.

And what I NEED to do and what I want or end up doing are 2 different things. I need to clean my bathroom and scrub the tub, I need to iron my work clothes for the next day, drop off my dry cleaning and go grocery shopping. I need to pick up the books at the library and plan the weekend for my daughter. I need to call back some friends and make plans, I need to get a workout in.

I wind up watching t.v or blogging or posting to Mom's boards on the computer. I have no balance. I want to be working out, and besides the bad back the other draw away from the treadmill is - the t.v.

T.V. is great - but it also sucks - it is sucking the brain right out of my head. How many seasons of America's Next Top Model can I watch before I decide that it sucks. How many episodes of General Hospital do I need to watch (on TIVO of course) before I decide that I don't care if Emily and Nicolas wind up together...

I have these dreams of being an intellectual - but in reality I am a crap t.v watcher. No wonder the advertising business is so huge!

Yeah!

So, darling daughter slept through the WHOLE night last night. Yep - from 7:30 is or so to 7:00am - and that was w/ a feeding at 6:30am - she ate and slept right through it. My DH said that she was still asleep when they went to leave - so he put her in the carseat and took her to our daycare lady's house in her PJ's.

So -that's the good news!

The bad news - well...not sure I am happy w/ my job right now - things just aren't what I want them to be - so right after I finish this I am going to apply for another job w/in my company - but something that will bring me back to my education roots of public policy...we'll see... wish me luck...

Dating Again

So, we had a husband/wife playdate today - it went really well, but it underscored the difficulty of finding friends in the same spot in their lives as you are. I thought it was difficult enough to find couple friends where both my husband and I liked both of the members of the other couple, but now we need couple friends who have kids...just that much more difficult.

Finding another couple with a child is a lot like dating - you have to meet the person - get their attention and their number (in order to set up a play date, or other meeting), etc...it is eerily like dating - which I never liked and never want to have to do again.

Anyway - this "date" went well - we both had a good time and I hope we'll see them again...but - how long do you wait for them to call?

Nail Clipping on the Train

I have another pet peeve - personal grooming in public spaces. Today I was on the train coming home and the guy sitting in front of me (face forward) was clipping his fingernails.

All I have to say is GROSS! What on earth would possess someone to do that in public? I can't imagine what it would take for me to want to clip my nails in public, let alone to do it. I mean I am a mother of a (almost) 6 month old, I work full time, just finished applying to a 2nd Master's program, am trying to start my own business, etc. and I still find the time to do my personal grooming at home...nuff said!

The Photo Shoot

So, darling baby girl had her first "professional" photo shoot this weekend. I use the term photo shoot sarcastically - as it was done by a young girl - all of about 17 and she was anything but professional. As she was getting the large bean bag ready for Reese her butt crack was hanging out in in full view of both my husband and I. Had that been it I probably wouldn't have been so negative about the shoot, but she just had an utter lack of professionalism from beginning to end. The only bright spot was the other employee who helped us pick out our pictures. She was much more professional and really seemed to know her job which we appreciated. But all in all - we weren't really happy w/ our experience at the famed "Picture People"...we might go try Sear's next time as I have heard really good things about their photo studio. Although what I really want is to have a photographer come to the house once she starts to crawl and catch her in action...expensive - but oh so cute!!

However, the pictures came out well. So - all in all I guess it wasn't that bad...

Mornings with Baby Girl

So, baby girl decided that she wanted to wake up early today - which means of course that Mom doesn't get to sleep in. Since I'm Mom - that means that I am tired and now that she is napping, I can't make myself fall asleep. People always say to sleep while she is sleeping - I wish it were that easy. If I could just make myself fall asleep I would get a lot more sleep, but unfortunately, by the time she actually falls asleep, I am awake and thinking of the 100 things that I haven't had time to do.

Like right now - she was just sleeping - long enough for me to eat a granola bar and start typing this, but....you guessed it - I just saw the eyes pop open!! I guess that 15 minutes is enough for her this morning.

Which is probably good, because I was watching My Super Sweet 16 while I was eating my granola bar and - WOW that show is horrible. If people really treat their kids like that they should be investigated by DYFS - or whatever the agency is called in their city - some of this crap is unbelievably bad parenting. I feel bad for these kids.

Anyway - I've admitted to another guilty pleasure - I like to watch what my mother calls "crap" t.v.

Got to run, baby girl is smiling at me and I can't pass up her smiles...

Friends

My parents came to visit today. They live about 2 hours away and they are making an effort to come and visit us once a month so that they don't become strangers to our darling daughter. So, my mother came and she cooked us enough dinners for a week and my Dad covered our water heater and helped seal our windows...it was nice. I also got a break and went out to brunch w/a friend since my husband was working all weekend and I didn't get to see much of him - which meant that I was with baby girl all weekend (which don't get me wrong - I enjoy, but even the best of Mom's need 2 hours w/o their baby girls/boys).

So we went out to brunch - and just had girl time! It was great. I can't believe how much I miss just hanging out w/ the girls and how much more special it makes coming home to a cooing giggling baby girl. Of course she wasn't cooing or giggling this time, but crying her head off - something was going on w/ her today and I feel really bad for my parents because she is normally a really great baby - but today she just had a bad day and wasn't having any of it. Alas, all babies have their bad days right??

Research Pays Off

So, I've never been that great at research - one of the big reasons that I can't imagine getting a PhD., but that's besides the point. Anyway, after having problems with low milk supply over the past few months - it has come down to the fact that I haven't been able produce enough milk to sustain Reese during the day while I am at work and I have had to give in to supplementing her bottles with 1/2 formula 1/2 breast milk. I truly wanted to breastfeed her for 1 complete year - in line with the recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

I thought that I would have to settle for supplementing her bottles with formula (which was for me a decision I just didn't want to have to make, but a decision that others make and with which I have no issues for those who choose or must make). However, I kept on digging - trying to find a reason that I haven't been able to produce enough milk for Reese.

I have tried herbal supplements, Fenugreek, Mother's Milk Tea, on-demand feedings, extra pumping sessions, etc. But then, I found a number of articles describing a connection between hypothyroidism and low milk supply. I gave it some thought and found that I had many of the symptoms that were being described as hypothyroidism. 1) extreme exhaustion, 2) dry skin, hair and nails, 3) low libido, 4) increased weight gain/inability to lose weight, etc. While I don't have all of the symptoms, I did have many - but I found that there was also a very obvious connection between those same symptoms and being a new mother - 1) extreme exhaustion - obvious - 2) dry skin - well as a new mom you wash your hands often and - that too can cause dry skin, 3) low libido - well - you wake up 3-4 times a night and tell me how often you feel like having sex? - 4) increased weight gain/inability to lose weight - again - w/ a 4 month old and working full time - it makes it hard to find time to get to the gym.

But - all that being said - I called my MD and asked for a thyroid test (if you know how deathly afraid of needles I am you would understand how big a deal that was) and it just came back that I have extremely high levels of TSH - indicating that I have hypothyroidism. Which is great news in that I can take a pill to replace the hormones that I need, however, it also means that I have one more thing that is wrong w/ me. But - alas at least I have an answer to why I have been unable to make enough milk for my DD.

Now I just have to deal with the effects of this disorder on top of the other and hope that everything works out well. Hmm...the life of a new mother...

My Loving MIL

Ahh- I love my mother-in-law! She has been so good to me, to us and she adores my daughter. Why then does she irritate the crap out of me sometimes? Please tell me why!!! There are days where I really can't handle being around her - and I feel awful because she has done nothing to deserve it. She takes care of my daughter 3 days a week, she is very kind and sweet to me, she and her husband gave us their car, she is constantly trying to help if we need it. But yet...something irks me.

I mean I know what it is sometimes. Like when she pats me on the back for what feels like an eternity but is probably only a minute or so - I really don't like to be touched. Or when she makes comments that are opinions, but does so in a way that make them sound like facts...I get it then, but why oh why can't I get past all of that and just appreciate her?

Gilmore Girls

So, I love the Gilmore Girls - it is probably in the top 5 of my favorite t.v. shows - and I have a lot of t.v. shows that I like to watch, but I love The Gilmore Girls!!!

Anyway, here I am w/ my cat curled up in my lap, my husband on the other couch falling asleep w/ our daughter in his arms and The Gilmore Girls on the television and I was just thinking how nice it was to have a quiet night in. But then I started thinking how great it would be to have the Rory/Lorelai dynamic w/ my daughter. But that would mean having to be her friend and do I really want to be my daughters friend or do I want to have the distinct difference of parent vs. friend? I have no answers for these questions...but...of course I had to start thinking about all of this stuff because...well because this is what I do...

A Matter of Interpretation

So how is it that men can interpret a question so differently than it is said? For example, I ask my darling husband - Did you do this? He responds w/ a slight vague answer that does not actually answer the question, but yet appears to. For example, DH - Did you ever ask our friends if they did X for us? His response - I don't believe they did. Now he isn't lying - he doesn't believe they did, but he also isn't answering the question which was did you ever ASK our friends if they...his way of getting around the fact that he didn't do what he was directly asked to do, but w/o lying about it.

I hate when he does that - it smells of a general lack of accountability to me and it pisses me off. But, in my head - it's just one of those battles that I will choose not to fight. I'll write about it, but I won't fight about it...

Not PG

So, I broke down and took a test - I'm not PG. Which is nice and relaxing, but also kind of sad. B and I are slightly dissapointed, but relieved at the same time - what an odd feeling...I don't quite understand what this feeling is...but...

Care Givers

Finding a care giver for your child is so important. We looked at nannies (in home) day care centers, and in-home daycares before settling on Ms. Brandy who takes care of her own 2 children (11 months apart!!!) as well as one other girl on MWF and her 2 children and Reese on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Her girls are almost 3 and almost 4. They are cute and they really seem to like to have my daughter at their home.

But, the best part is Ms. Brandy - she is great. She genuinely seems to enjoy children and she really wants both Brendan and I to feel comfortable with her. She is so great - she sends me pictures at work so that I know that Reese is doing alright and she even took a video of her rolling over this week - something that Brendan had yet to see! Leaving Reese isn't easy, but having someone so great take care of her makes it that much easier!

Book Club

So, I joined a book club. Yes, me - joining something. And before you say it, yes I did "join" 2 on-line Mom's clubs, but that is different because it's on line - you don't have to do anything that you don't want to, you don't even have to meet the people if you don't want to. A book club however is a different story. You have to get together with the group and read something that is decided by consensus...not typically my cup of tea. But, I have found a group of women that I think I will enjoy being with and if I read a book that I really don't like - what is the harm in that right?

Guess I am just trying to figure out what about having had a baby has made me into someone who would become a joiner. Have I changed that much?

Full Disclosure

In an effort to provide full disclosure I must admit something. I have been updating the links on my page and I added a new one today. Charity Navigator. I hope that a lot of you have heard of this site - or even use it, but my point today is to let you know that I added it - and to add that I did my graduate school internship w/ Charity Navigator in 2002. Nothing unethical going on - just felt like I should be open about it.

That being said, had I not done my internship there I would still link to the site. I think it's a great site for donors who want to know exactly what is happening w/ their money once they give it away.

Also, I stopped by their offices when I was home a week and a half ago to say hi to everyone and introduce them to my baby and it occurred to me that I could link to the site...anyway - enough said - take a look for yourself.

Parents Should Watch This

I hate to start the day off on a sad note, but I am looking at this as spreading the word, not sharing a sad story. Parents out there should take a look at the video on this link - I hope you never need the information, but if you do, it may help you one day.

http://jody2ms.com/archives/599

The Best Cake Ever

I meant to post this a while back and forgot - so I have to catch up... Right after Christmas we had a dinner party for a few friends and my sister-in-law. It was a really great night, and I think the food turned out alright, but I am sure that the cake did. It was awesome, I want to make it all the time it was so good - and to top it off it wasn't that hard. I really enjoyed cooking something from scratch (since I don't do it that often) and I loved the fact that it turned out well (as not everything I cook turns out really well)...anyway - here's the recipe...you have to try it!!!

Coconut Cake with Buttercream Frosting

Cake:
Cooking spray
1 tablespoon cake flour
2 1/2 cups cake flour (about 10 ounces)
2 teaspoons baking powder object
1/2 teaspoon salt object
2 cups sugar object
6 tablespoons butter, softened
1/4 cup egg substitute object
2 large eggs object
3/4 cup light coconut milk object
1/4 teaspoon coconut extract

Frosting:
1 cup sugar object
1/4 cup water object
5 large egg whites object
1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar
1/8 teaspoon salt object
1/4 cup butter, softened object
1/4 teaspoon coconut extract (optional)
3 tablespoons toasted flaked sweetened coconut

Preheat oven to 350°

To prepare cake, coat 3 (8-inch) round cake pans with cooking spray; line bottoms of pans with wax paper. Lightly coat wax paper with cooking spray; dust pans with 1 tablespoon flour.
Lightly spoon 2 1/2 cups flour into dry measuring cups, and level with a knife. Combine flour, baking powder, and salt, stirring with a whisk. Place 2 cups sugar and 6 tablespoons butter in a large bowl; beat with a mixer at medium speed for 2 minutes or until well blended. Add egg substitute and eggs to sugar mixture; beat well. Add flour mixture and coconut milk alternately to sugar mixture, beginning and ending with flour mixture. Stir in 1/4 teaspoon extract.
Spoon batter into prepared pans. Sharply tap the pans once on countertop to remove air bubbles. Bake at 350° for 25 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool in pans 10 minutes on wire racks; remove from pans. Remove wax paper; discard. Cool cakes on wire racks.

To prepare frosting, combine 1 cup sugar and 1/4 cup water in a saucepan; bring to a boil. Cook 3 minutes, without stirring, or until a candy thermometer registers 250°. Combine egg whites, cream of tartar, and 1/8 teaspoon salt in a large bowl; using clean, dry beaters, beat with a mixer at high speed until foamy. Pour hot sugar syrup in a thin stream over egg whites, beating at high speed until stiff peaks form, about 3 minutes. Reduce mixer speed to low; continue beating until egg white mixture cools (about 12 minutes).
Beat 1/4 cup butter until light and fluffy; stir in 1/4 teaspoon extract, if desired. Fold in 1 cup egg white mixture. Fold butter mixture into remaining egg white mixture, stirring until smooth.

Place 1 cake layer on a plate; spread with 1 cup frosting. Repeat twice with cake layers and 1 cup frosting, ending with cake layer; spread remaining frosting over top and sides of cake. Sprinkle with toasted coconut. Chill until set. Yield: 16 servings (serving size: 1 slice)

NUTRITION PER SERVINGCALORIES 317(25% from fat); FAT 8.8g (sat 5.5g,mono 0.3g,poly 0.2g); PROTEIN 4.4g; CHOLESTEROL 45mg; CALCIUM 10mg; SODIUM 267mg; FIBER 0.4g; IRON 1.9mg; CARBOHYDRATE 55.6g

Cooking Light, DECEMBER 2006

Pregnant Again?

So, I've been trying not to believe that it's possible that I am pregnant again - and believe me the opportunities over the past 3 months have been far and few between...but it is possible. I have been procrastinating over taking a pregnancy test for weeks now - but it feels as if there is a tipping point. Everyone has been making comments about how funny it would be if I were pregnant again - I mean everyone - colleagues, my boss, family, etc...I am almost freaked out that the more they say it the more it could be true.

It's not that I wouldn't welcome another child - I always wanted 3, but I am so not ready!! Not ready at all - I can't figure out how to even begin to contemplate what that would mean.

But, that being said - perhaps I should just take the darn test...but not tonight - and probably not tomorrow.

The Gift

So, I uploaded all of the pictures that I could get to (which wasn't as many as I wanted - given the fact that I also started working (from the office) again this past week)...but anyway...I uploaded the pictures, created the DVD and after the baptism (which went well, but more on that later) I ran it for my family.

Everyone really seemed to like it - there was a lot of pausing and recreating of poses. My brothers (the majority of the pictures are of them) seemed to really like it, so all in all I think it was a hit.

Now I just have to get the other 40 boxes of slides scanned and on DVDs and the gift will be done in time for Father's Day right???

Back to Work

So, I have officially been back to work for 1 week and 4 days and today, the 4th day of the second week, I am working from home. Add to that the fact that last week - I had to leave early on Friday to take my darling daughter to a doctor's appointment and you may understand that I am feeling the pressures of motherhood and working and its only been less than 2 weeks.

Early this morning, my daycare provider sent me an email telling me that one of her daughter s(who are in the home w/ her while she takes care of my daughter) had a 104 degree temperature last night and although she was fine with Reese still coming to stay there today she would leave it up to me. Well, that didn't make me too comfortable as I really don't want my 3 month old ending up w/ a 104 degree fever. So, like all good "alpha" moms I went to my back up and asked my husband to ask my mother-in-law (who watches Reese 3x a week) if she could take her today. No luck - my mother-in-law was otherwise engaged w/ plans that couldn't be changed. So, I called in to let my boss know that I was going to work from home.

So, some of you may think, no big deal - why is she complaining - she gets to work from home. Well, my issue is that I feel guilty and I feel stupid because in writing my email to my boss this AM I feel like I asked for permission to work from home (something I should note) is quite normal in my office) instead of stating my need. I have read a lot about how women tend to ask for permission while men just do it and then apologize if it was not the right thing to do, which is how then end up making 24 cents on the dollar more than women.

So, now I feel like I feel guilty for not being in the office, having just come back 2 weeks ago and I feel guilty for asking permission to take care of my child.

Not off to a good start w/ this whole "alpha mom" thing now am I.

*I should note that the alpha mom thing is just a joke - I am really just trying to be a great mom, a great wife and a great employee...that should be possible right?

Special Gift

So, I am working on a special gift for my father. Well, truth be told it is for the whole family (all though much less for me than for my mother, father and brothers, but more on that later). I am scanning old slides that my father has into our computer and I am going to make a book for him or a DVD, the end matter is less important - what is important is that I am going to be able to get him to relive his memories of our childhood - and of some of his newlywed years before kids. See, his birthday is coming up soon, and I wanted to give him something special and Brendan and I were going to buy a new printer, so we bought a new printer, scanner, etc... and it can handle slides!!!

I am so psyched - I have spent all morning scanning slides into the machine and I am still only 1/2 the way through this box and he has like 40 boxes. Needless to say - his gift will only be the starting point as I won't have the time to scan all of the boxes before his b-day, but none the less, I can't wait to see his face. Here's a sample picture!

New Year's Resolution

So, I've done it! I have officially started the groundwork on my new store - or boutique as I am finding is the popular term. Motherhood and Apple Pie is becoming a reality. I have a business plan ing progress, I have started researching vendors, I am moving a head with a full head of steam and - I am psyched!!

I still have some issues that I need to work out. I am trying to find vendors that will drop ship so that I don't have to maintain an inventory, and I am trying to find a company to develop my website w/o breaking the bank, but other than that I am truly on my way.

I have to apply for my tax id #, but I plan on getting the paperwork together and filing ASAP! and then there is no stopping me.

I am not sure that my DH is behind me 100% on this - I think that he thought that it was a bee in my bonnet and that it would go away, but - it hasn't - two years have gone by and I am finally doing something about it.

I have met a number of women who run their own businesses, and I have tapped them for advice and reccomendations - they have been more than helpful. I have a list of products that I would like to sell and am in the process of getting the catalogs and information on retailing from the vendors.

Ahhh - so much to do, so little time, but I hope to GOD that it is going to be worth it!! Wish me luck!